Us metal heads are viewed as the black (metal lulz) sheep of society – so here is a scuzzfeed style list just for us, that excludes everyone else for a change! Number 10 will shock you!
1) A breakdown in a song > anything else.
2) The more illegible the band logo, the better!
Don’t you agree with me on this point. How much fun are we having here? This is totally fine for your eyes. You haven’t just wasted minutes of your life trying to decipher this nonsense.
3) Annual trips to download, no lads holidays to shagaluf here!
Ok it could be bloodstock, or an equally metal festival. But you wouldn’t dream of going to Ibiza to listen to the music. Packed clubs playing house?! Nightmare!
4) Nothing makes you feel more alive than being punched in the face in a mosh pit.
I’m telling you my guy, you haven’t felt adrenaline until you have done this.
5) How exasperating it is being asked over and over ‘how you can understand all the lyrics in the songs’.
Idk susan – why do you only listen to music by over sexualised children? Hmm?
6) How difficult it is to wear all black in this hot weather!
On a side note, how difficult is it to find clothes that are all the same shade of black? And let’s mention the struggles of having a pet, and them getting their fur all over your black clothes.
7) The word screamo makes your skin crawl.
IT’S.NOT.EVEN.A.GENRE.STOP. You’re embarrassing yourself again susan.
8) You can’t support a band once the evil H&M start mass producing their shirts. True etal eads avoid using tose dreaded letters (H&M) as a ark of protest.
9) How to act as if you are persecuted even though you are living a life of privilege. (I’m looking at you affluent white dudes.)
10) When you see another metal head, you greet each other with a secret leg shake. Handshakes are for posers.
11) ‘Who is the most metal in the Spice Girls?’ is a trick question. They are all metal as fuck. Before you ask, yes – especially Posh Spice.
12) The best metal is copper because it goes a lovely green colour when it rusts.
13) You can only like metal if you test anyone else who claims to like metal. Especially if the person is a lady. That bitch lying to impress the metal heads obviously. How dare she pretend she has her own taste in things?
14) Whiskey is an overrated metal drink. Want cool points? Order an off menu cocktail.
You get extra points if the bartender is already clearly overwhelmed. It’s such an act of dominance, the people around you will surely respect you.
15) A joke (I hope) ily all rly. <3
If you like any kind of metal, don’t let an elitist tell you that you aren’t a metal head. And you certainly aren’t defined by a tongue in cheek list, you are a beautiful complex individual!
by C Corr